With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
