The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
