I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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