I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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