U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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