I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
barbara walters just said penis...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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