i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
