I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Randomize
