Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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