It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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