I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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