yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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