he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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