You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
