I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
