I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
