i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
