she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My penis needs a shock collar
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
