and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
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I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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