Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
