We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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