My nipple is on Facebook.
look no pants
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
