well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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