i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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