I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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