My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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