he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
