I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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