he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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