I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
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He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
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I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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