Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
