apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
