It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
