He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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