guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
