38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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