I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize