I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
