Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
