My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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