So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
