ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
