Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
