I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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