It's Friday. Sex?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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