"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
