I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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