I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
