you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
