i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
