I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
dude. I can hear the air.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
