What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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