It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He felt like a one man threesome
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
