So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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