So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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