I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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