it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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