you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
