fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
