I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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