did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
