In the future we'll all be gay
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize