i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
