Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
