Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
