kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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