Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
