I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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