my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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