Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
