He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
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Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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